


Fading Fears and Clammy Hands

by Camillaisalone



Category: The Carrie Diaries
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hospitals, Miscarriage, POV Sebastian, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 09:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13586760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camillaisalone/pseuds/Camillaisalone
Summary: Alternate events regarding Maggie's pregnancy.





	Fading Fears and Clammy Hands

I am startled awake with a jolt and the first thing I notice is the stiffness of my neck. It's dark outside and the small LED clock on the DVD player across the room tells me it's just past two o'clock.  
Maggie is lying in my arms, one of her long legs falling off the side of the couch, and I guess we must have dosed off not long after her sobbing ceased. I can see that the tear tracks on her cheeks are still drying and yet, somehow, she still manages to look gorgeous. She is shivering and trembling and I realize with a start that that must have been what caused me to wake up in the first place.  
Suddenly a whimper escapes her tightly sealed lips and it pains me to see her like this—she appears so vulnerable and I know she would kill me if I ever told her so.  
I cuddle her closer to me and her shaking slowly stops.  
'God,' I think 'she must be absolutely exhausted.' She is tremendously terrified of her parents finding out about her situation and she knows Carrie is not here to help her, so she feels utterly alone. I try not to let that thought pain me, ''cause I'm here' I think to myself.

But it's not about me, and it's about Maggie, and she's pregnant and scared, and she needs me to be strong for her, I can't afford to loose her right now, 'cause I know that it would completely shatter her.

As carefully as possible I remove my arm from around her to brush away a loose strand of the chocolate brown hair that had fallen into her eyes. In the darkness I somehow manage to see a purple tinge on her cheek and I simply freeze. I feel as though a cold hand is squeezing my lungs as my heart falls to the pit of my stomach. It had most likely been covered by a layer of makeup earlier on today, and I was probably more focused on the tears streaming down her face to notice what her hair was covering.

'I will have to speak to her about this when she wakes up' I think, and I guess my heart is pounding so painfully hard that I do not notice that she had begun stirring in my arms. Her eyes blink open and her deep eyes are glassy due to the tears and her general fatigue. The already weak smile gracing her pouty lips, fades when she notices my somber and concerned expression.  
"What's wrong?" She whispers, her voice scratchy and a flicker of panic mares her features.  
As gently as possible I trace the outlines of the bruise on her face and it breaks my heart to see her flinch away from my touch.  
"What happened? Who did this to you?" I ask,my voice sounding nearly as raw as hers. She closes her eyes for a brief instance and I see her shoulders visibly slump.  
"H-he wasn't h-happy whe-when I told him. He was scared about how my dad would react if he f-found out." My heart shatters a little at every word she stutters out.  
I carefully reach out and cup her face in my large hands and wipe away the stray tears that had started to fall.  
"Shh shh" I coo as I easily pull her onto my lap where she allows her head to rest in the crook of my neck and shoulder. Her body is warm and light and I can't stop thinking about how my arms fit perfectly around her tiny waist and back.  
I don't realize that I have begun humming softly to her as I rock her as though she was a young child. It works though, and her frantic heart beat slows down just a little. Maggie is still sniffling and my shirt is slightly damp but as I reach down and place a soft kiss on her head I feel her relax against my side.  
"Thank you" she mumbles and I can feel it more than hear it, but I know she said it.  
"Goodnight Mags" I whisper back.

•

It's six thirty when we wake up the next morning and I know we have an hour to get up and get ready before we have to leave for school.

It's actually Maggie who wakes up first and it confuses me at first because I never pegged her as a morning person, when I realize that she has run to the bathroom and is vomiting her guts out.  
I spring off the couch at an impressive speed and see her kneeling by the porcelain bowl, her hair clings to the damp skin of her neck and forehead, and I once again feel absolutely powerless as I proceed to rub small comforting circles on the small of her back.  
Ten minutes pass by the time she is done and by now her whole body is trembling, I can faintly hear her whimpering as she tries to stop the tears from flowing.  
I run a hand thorough my blond hair and choose to hug her from behind, from where she proceeds to easily slump against my chest, with my arms wrapped securely around her stomach(which I now notice is not entirely as flat as it used to be). I can already tell that today is going to be hellish for her as I see the dark purple bruise looming on the left side of her face. She stands up on wobbly legs and I spring up to support her. I can see her smile in the mirror and it really does light up her pale face and tired eyes. She flushes the toiled and seemingly startles when I place a cool washcloth on her pounding forehead, and it's the content gasp that escapes her lips that makes me smile for the first time that day.

Not so long after I find myself driving to her home where I watch her shuffle in her bag for her keys and then slowly and silently unlock the front door. I was told to wait in the car and my nerves do not calm until I see her closing the door behind her, with her angry finger shaped bruise having seemingly vanished and with a set of comfortable looking clothes on.  
She smiles when she catches my eye and I can't help the small grin that spreads on my face.

•

The anxiety returns full force when we reach school and I suddenly realize how potentially horrible it could turn out if she was accidentally knocked into a locker of bumped into too roughly. Subconsciously I find myself shielding her body with my own as we walk through the crowd of noisy teens, who's troubles seem so small in comparison to the turmoil going on in Maggie's head right now.  
She's unusually quiet and I can't blame her for it but when we reach our lockers she turns to me and silently says.  
"I'm so scared that I don't know what to do."  
We had spoken on the way to school of possible ways to handle the situation and despite her fear she seems set on going through an abortion. I support her entirely as it is not my place to interfere with her life changing decisions.

"It will be alright" I smile at her and gently squeeze her shoulder and together we head off to a day filled with churning stomachs, clammy hands and glazed unseeing eyes.

•

The next few days are not an improvement to the first, but the decision remains the same and it's four o'clock by the time we reach the clinic she had chosen. As we silently sit in the parking lot, I see the built up walls of emotions begin to unravel before my eyes.  
"I've always wanted to be a mom" she says almost impassively, but I see the sadness lingering in her eyes. I close my eyes. I take a deep breath and try to calm my heart down.  
"Obviously not like this," her humorless laugh makes me want to cry and hug her and never let go.  
"You can still be." I croak out, but she does not seem to hear me.  
"I never really had any plans or dreams like Mouse and Carrie, but I knew I wanted to be a mom." She takes a shaky breath and whispers almost inaudibly "and now I screwed that dream up."  
She's crying by now and I know that going through with it today will only cause her to regret the decision more.  
I eventually convince her to go for a ride, just to be able to forget the things at home that will without doubt upset her even more.

•

After hours of driving we suddenly stop at this small park quite far away from home, due to a sudden bout of nausea that hit Maggie so hard she appears to turn green and that causes her to double over in pain gripping her abdomen in shock. I pull over and she quickly scrambles out of the car and flings herself over to the trash can near a flaky picnic table. It appears that her whole body convulses with every gag and I miraculously manage to catch her just as her knees buckle beneath her causing her to lose balance.  
With her body flushed up against mine, I can feel the heat radiating off of her in waves as well as the now constant vibrating of her body.  
I turn her around in my arms and with fear gripping my gut notice that while she may be conscious (albeit barely), her face has turned a ghastly shade of ashen gray, although her cheeks are tinged pink due to what I have come to believe is a fever. Her usually stunning eyes are glassy and unfocused and a heartbreakingly distraught frown is marring her face. I feel a sob start building at the back of my throat as I sit there in the grass cradling her weak and frail body to my chest.  
Her breaths are shallow and her lips are chapped due to the dehydration that all the vomiting has caused her. I once again find myself feeling absolutely useless and powerless.

My decision is quick and probably more a reflex than a conscious choice. I pick her up bridal style, and notice that her head once again fits perfectly into the crook of my shoulder.  
I reach my car and stop dead in my tracks as I am reminded of the size of it. Panic continues to build and I begin jogging down the road with a trembling Maggie in my arms who seems to weigh nothing at all (wether it is due to her being underweight or a sudden bout of adrenaline from my part, I can't tell), in hope of finding a vehicle that will help us.

I see a sign advertising a small vegetable vending stall and rush down the road until we reach the stall. A young woman in her early thirties most likely, rushes towards us with a concerned frown on her face as she takes a proper look at us. I understand fully why she looks like that 'we must look terrible' I fleetingly think to myself as I look down in panic at Mags who has by now gone completely still and is drenched in cold sweat.

"Oh dear lord," I hear the woman gasp, but that is all she manages to get out before I begin frantically muttering.  
"W-we n-need help. Please! Do you have a truck or a car or anything really that is bigger than my car, she will never be able to be comfortable in my car in these conditions. P-p-please I beg you, she needs immediate medical attention, please!" I am stammering and freaking out and the panic is filling my lungs with dread.

"Of course I will help" she mutters more to herself than to me, and sprints over to her light blue pickup truck.  
In a blur of movement I find myself in the passenger seat with Maggie in my arms and the blonde woman flying down the road towards what I know is CGH.

"My dear," she says softly after a while, interrupting the silence that had previously only been broken by Maggie's rattling breaths "my name is Alice, can you please tell me who you are and what happened to this poor girl?"

Her kind voice seems to clear the fog that had settled inside my head and allows my lungs to expand to their full capacity again.  
"We were driving when she suddenly felt sick, which she has been for the past few days, and she just collapsed as she was throwing up in the trashcan, and then... Then we found you..."  
I shake my head, still reeling from all that is happening. My chest constricts again as look down at Mags' distraught face and take her clammy hand in my own.  
"I'm Sebastian by the way, and this, this is Maggie."

Not ten minutes pass before we reach the hospital and by then my worry has seemingly only intensified as the minutes seem to drag on forever.  
Alice pulls over and I step out of the truck with Mags in my arms and as I thank her I turn around and jog into the hospital. In a matter of seconds a swarm of nurses and doctors begin to surround us and all I can really get myself to care about is Maggie's well being.  
I lay her gently on a stretcher that has appeared seemingly out of nowhere and I find myself alone as she is whisked away from me.

•

Fifteen minutes of frantic pacing later, a nurse walks up to me and informs me that her parents have been contacted and have readily agreed to prepare her for surgery. By now my feet are numb and feel no relief when I sit down as all I can think about is Maggie lying in a cold operating room.  
"Do-do you know what's wrong with her?" I find myself asking, with a voice that seems foreign even to myself. The nurse's face softens as she hears the crack in my voice, and lays a gentle hand on my forearm.  
"I am not allowed to tell you anything just yet as you seem emotionally unstable. Is there anyone you can call that will be able to keep you company, if you're planning to stay that is, it'll be some time before she will out of here." The pity in the nurse's eyes causes both my blood to boil and my adrenaline to evaporate.

I shake my head and say "thank you for your concern, I will call a friend cause I plan on staying as close to her they will allow me to."  
With a last smile my way, the nurse turns and leaves and next thing I know I am paging Carrie, because I know that despite their differences, she is the only person that will truly be able to help her now.

She calls me almost immediately and for a small second I feel bad for calling and disturbing her in the middle of the party, but it all comes crashing down around me that the reason why I'm here involves her too and I can't stop thinking that I really need someone to be with me right now.

"Hello?"  
Carrie's static voice floats through the receiver and I feel myself heave a shaky sigh of relief that she answered me.  
"Hey Carrie, it's Sebastian, and I—"  
"Sebastian? Why are calling what's wrong? Can it wait, I'm kind of in the middle of something right now."  
"Carrie, no, wait listen it cannot wait I'm at the emergency room right now at CGH and—"  
"Emergency room? Sebastian are you okay? Are you hurt? What's happening?" Her voice increasing in pitch as the familiar panic laces the atmosphere.  
"No Carrie, its not me. It's Maggie."  
"Maggie?" Her voice sounding worried and vulnerable "What happened? How is she? Please tell me she's okay."  
I take a deep breath and say  
"No, she's not okay, Carrie, she collapsed and I was with her and they haven't told me anything and I'm scared and freaking out and I need to stay calm for her you know, and the staff members believe that I am too emotionally unstable to be able to hear anything about her condition right now, and that means that it must be something bad, if they won't talk to me, and—"  
"Sebastian! I will reach you as soon as I can, please stay calm for me, everything will be okay, just stay calm. I'll be there soon. Bye."

And with that the line goes silent and I hear the click that signals the end of the call. My breathing pattern is still irregular and I sit down in the uncomfortable plastic chairs and wait.  
Half an hour later a nurse approaches me to inform me that she has been transferred to the OR meaning that the surgery has begun.  
Vivid images of Mags being cut open on an operating table flash into my mind and suddenly I freeze as realization hits me: I could potentially be losing her right here, right now.  
I race to the restroom and splash my face with cold water, to get the images out of my head.  
"She will be fine, we'll be fine and she'll be fine..." I repeat to myself as I look into the mirror meeting my own eyes and only noticing now how distraught I look.

As I step out of the restroom a couple of minutes later, I see Carrie standing by the receptionist, and I figure she must have just arrived.  
"C-Carrie?"  
She whirls around and in less than a second she has flung herself at me and is soothingly hugging me tight. I feel myself relax a little as I know that I am not alone in this situation, we now have each other to lean on.

"Mags?" She asks and I finally can't hold the tears at bay any longer as they trail down my face and land in her hair.  
"She's in surgery right now" I manage to choke out.  
"They won't tell me what's wrong with her." I whisper into her ear.

We separate and she leads me by the hand towards the nearest empty chairs. "Wait here while I go ask a nurse to explain the situation to us fully, okay?"  
She doesn't allow me to answer as she has already begun heading towards the nurses' station.  
She returns two minutes later with the nurse that had spoken to me earlier.

I try to compose myself as much as possible, stand up and stretch my hand towards her "My name is Sebastian, I believe we met earlier?"  
She takes my hand and smiles "Yes, I believe we did. I'm Sally by the way. If I'm not mistaken it was you who brought in miss Landers, am I correct?" Her blue eyes seem to sadden as she says this and my heart skips a beat or two with worry.  
"Yes, yes that was me and I was wondering if you had any updates and could explain to us exactly what's going on with her?" Either I am able to mask my anxiety quite well or she decides to relent and finally give in because soon she has launched into a detailed description of Mags' condition that makes me almost regret asking her in the first place.  
"Your friend seems to be suffering from an ectopic pregnancy, which in simple words is when the fertilized egg remains in the Fallopian tube instead of proceeding to the uterus for the process of implantation. As the pregnancy proceeds, in case of an ectopic pregnancy, the egg cell will proceed to grow and in would most likely cause a miscarriage. Maggie unfortunately appears to be suffering from what is known to be a rupture of the Fallopian tube, which in her case led to severe hemorrhaging. The amount of internal bleeding could be fatal to both her and the baby, and the surgery is complicated and extremely delicate and will unfortunately not be over any time soon."  
I felt the blood drain rapidly from my face as soon as she uttered the first words. As I look to Carrie I see that she is silently crying and seems to be in a similar state of shock. There is a possibility that Maggie won't make it.

•

I takes a great deal to be able to calm down enough to thank Sally and return to our seats. By now Carrie has started sobbing and I am beginning to think that I will never be able to stop shaking let alone breathe again. "I-I d-d-didn't even k-know she was p-p-pregnant in the first place." She stutters out, turning to look at me with an anger that I can't seem to understand right now. "I found out a couple days ago, it was the second time that week that I had caught her throwing up and only had the courage to confront her then." I tell her. My shoulders are slumped and I stare into space, "She told me that she had known for a couple of weeks, and also mentioned something about running into you at the pharmacy for your cough I think it was. She was absolutely terrified and felt completely alone and I knew that anxiety would not be healthy in her condition. She couldn't tell her parents, as she would have to tell them the truth about Simon—that son of a bitch!" I growl out the last few words and my hands ball into tight fists.  
"Wait, you mean to tell me that it's not your baby?" That catches my attention.  
I whirl around "My baby? Maggie and I aren't even dating."  
"Really? Well that's a pity," she mumbles and I cannot tell if there is any malice behind the statement, so I stay silent, pondering the meaning behind the words.  
But then surprisingly she adds "Because I think you would be really good for one another." As she says this, she turns around to look at me, with a small smile on her face. "Wait what?" I accidentally blurt out.  
"Yes, you would really be able to help each other out, and I think that you are already so comfortable around each other that there would be nothing to worry about. You're handsome and mysterious and she is stunning and sarcastic, features that compliment each other perfectly. Think about it, if you didn't care about her happiness and wellbeing, then you wouldn't have been so willing to help her these last few days, which were most likely the most intense days of her life. And you forget that I know Maggie well enough to know that while she may be flirty and easygoing, she does not often let her guard down enough for people to see her true feelings. Trust issues you could say, but I think it's more than only that. I know she makes you happy and vice versa, so promise me this, when we eventually get out of this, cause I know we will, do me a favor and go for it. She may be slightly resistant at first due to fear of hurting me, but don't give up and don't worry, it is bound to work out well."  
I sit completely dumbfounded for a couple of seconds and slowly turn to look at her fully in the eye.  
"B-but, but before, you seemed so mad, why?" I am reliving her reaction in my mind and still does not make me any wiser.  
"That, oh yeah, no I was mad but not because I thought you were seeing her, but because I thought that you had been irresponsible enough to get one of my best friends pregnant in high school. She knows that her life is not stable enough to include a baby in the mix. Maggie wouldn't do that, her living environment would not be safe enough for her to go through a pregnancy in, she is smart enough to not want to possibly endanger the baby." She takes a shuddering sigh and whispers "This must be so horrible for her. Anyone really, but Maggie especially, it was all she ever wanted." By now tears have started falling and we silently sit and wait to see if she made it, both having new things to think about.

•

Hours have flown by in the form of restless sleep and uncomfortable positions, as well as the constant smell of disinfectant lingering in the air. We are awoken by Sally who had been kind enough to stay with us, updating us of any changes in the procedure and explains how everything was coming along.  
So we sit in the uncomfortable chairs and wait at 1:30 in the morning, to be told about our friend's fate.  
"The operation is complete and the surgery was successful." We both heave a sigh of relief and I feel my shoulders straighten up slightly as I finally feel like I can breathe properly again. Carrie besides me seems to have reacted the same way, tears of joy springing to her eyes. "However there were complications at one point as the combination of her dehydration and blood loss which was caused by the internal bleeding, made her weak and required to be properly stabilized in order to proceed with the surgery. We put her on various IVs to supply her with necessary minerals and gave her pain medication to deal with her exhaustion, allowing her to calm down without having to sedate her. She is not currently awake which is a good thing as it allows her body to rest. So as soon as she is ready, she will wake up. Unfortunately we were unable to save the child as it required to be removed in order to save the Fallopian tube, which could potentially scar and partially block the path to one of the ovaries." Sally finishes and does not seem surprised at our slightly confused expressions. "Wh-what does that mean?" Carries whispers. Sally looks at us and says "It means that it will most likely make any future pregnancies complicated and uncomfortable, if they will be possible at all, we still don't know."  
I lower my head and suddenly I find the idea of telling Maggie this tidbit of information absolutely devastating and I know Carrie feels the same way as I hear her suck in a watery sigh. "It was her dream," I hear her whisper, more to herself than to me. At those words, my heart cracks and seems to be wanting to break enough for Mags not to have to feel the pain.  
"I must add though, that it was incredibly lucky that she was brought in when she was, or her body may have begun to shut down some of her internal organs due to the internal bleeding. It was good that you brought her in Sebastian, she would never have gotten to us in time in order for us to save her if she had been alone." Carrie's knees almost buckle then as she process the information given:  
She had almost lost her best friend tonight and she only seemed to realize now how that would have affected her.  
"When can we see her?" I ask somewhat eagerly, but Sally smiles kindly nonetheless. "It takes about five minutes to get to her and by then she should have been moved over to a private room." With that, we begin walking through identical looking corridors toward room E-074.

•

Standing in front of the door is actually a lot more nerve wracking than I expected it to be. I feel like the anxiety is suffocating me and I am tired and upset that this had to happen to Maggie and not some random person who has done something bad enough to deserve to suffer like this. I prepare myself cause I know she will most likely be sleeping and if she is awake she will probably be in the same state as she was earlier today.  
Carrie next to me is a jumbled, fidgeting ball of nerves and she is oblivious to how her friend has been feeling lately. I find though that there is no time to say anything as well as nothing to say, as the door opens and another nurse lets us in.  
The first thing I notice, oddly, is the lighting. It's darker than the corridor we had been sitting and yet it neither prevents you from seeing anything nor does it make the room feel cozy. There is a constant low beeping that has imbedded itself in my skull since we walked into the room, and it almost drowns out the light steady breathing coming from the hospital bed by the wall. Mags lays tucked in in a way that seems too neat to be a blanket and so thin that it allows me to see the outline of her frail frame easily. Her slender hands lay folded neatly on top of each other on top of the flimsy blanket, her long fingers pale and her dark painted nails contrasting with the pallor of her complexion. She is propped up on a couple of pillows and her long lashes rest upon the curve of her cheekbones. Carrie, you can tell from her twitching fingers, wants to make herself useful, needs to feel as though she is doing something that is not watching her friend lay in a position that is too similar to the position of a corpse in a coffin, to be comforting. So I inch forward and take one of Maggie's cool hands in mine and briefly wonder if she is cold or if she is kept cold in order to lower her previous skyrocketing temperature, and from the corner of my eye I see Carrie do the same.  
"Hey Mags." I whisper softly, not really expecting a response, but feeling disappointed anyway when nothing happens.  
I force myself to continue.  
"You're okay now, you'll be fine. Carrie and I are hear and we will help." Carrie's never stopping tears flow once more, and I manage to keep mine at bay a little while longer.  
"We miss you. Come back."  
Is all it takes from Carrie, for me to let that first tear roll down my cheek, 'cause I am reminded of when I thought that she would never have been able to come back to me.  
Sally chooses this moment to enter the door and check on Maggie's vitals and make sure that everything is in order. Carrie doesn't seem to have noticed though, she is staring at her best friend's pale and tired face. From the way her eyes seem to suddenly harden, it is not difficult for me to guess that she has spotted the fading bruise on the side of her face. In a quick motion her head snaps towards mine and her eyes flash dangerously. All I can do is swallow nervously as her eyes bore into mine and I proceed to uncomfortably clear my voice. I don't get anything out before her voice resounds dangerously in the small room.  
"What the hell Sebastian! Why didn't you mention anything." Her voice is curt and cutting "Who the hell did this to her? Was it Simon? I swear to God I'll kill the bastard!"  
For some odd reason the words that choose to leave my words are not the comforting ones that my mind had planned to formulate. Unfortunately for me I chose to blurt out: "You should have seen her earlier on today." I cringe internally as soon as they are vocalized, as I see Carrie's hand stop the careful process of caressing Maggie's own folded hands. My mind can't help but silently curse itself as I see her back stiffen and face pale as she registers what was said.  
"Wh-what do you m-mean? Tell me Sebastian, what happened today. You never told me, you have to tell me. You can't not say anything. Do you know how scared I was! I got a hysterical phone call about an emergency regarding my best friend's life and I have waited hours without actually knowing what managed to get you into such a panicked state of mind. What could possible have scared you so much? She is my best friend, you have to tell me, please?"  
It's not actually until your hear the feeble plea at the end that you realize how desperately she wants to know what had happened to her friend. She had heard the report and seen the outcome, but she was never told or explained just how terrible an experience it had been for both you and Maggie.

"Okay, I'll explain it all, but you need to calm down, okay? The last thing we need is for Mags to wake and see us fighting." We both take a deep breath and sit ourselves comfortably down, as we had both somehow ended up standing up.

I feel my exhaustion creep up on me but I simply run my hand over my face and proceed to tell her everything that had happened:  
"It began more than two weeks ago, that's at least when I first noticed things, she told me later though that it had been happening for a couple of weeks by the time I found out. I had been walking to class, when I saw her exiting the girls toilets looking pale and slightly disheveled. Now that I think about it, we made brief eye contact and despite the heartbreaking look in her eyes, she held her head high and shook her head slightly. It was enough to dismiss me at the time, but when it happened again a couple days later I began to get concerned and decided to ask her what was going on and if she was okay, you know?" My hand are subconsciously and nervously wringing themselves in my lap, but I keep my eyes on Maggie's sleeping face. "She told me that all was fine, when I confronted her later that afternoon, she said that she thought it was some sort of stomach bug, but she did not look too convinced. Her eyes were darting all over the place and she appeared in a rush to get away, who could blame her though, right? I let her go thinking that whatever was going on was probably not being facilitated by my insistent questioning, more likely made worse." I take a deep sigh and a small sip from a nearby cup of water, to clear the lump in my throat. In hindsight I realize that it was probably meant for Maggie, but I promise myself that I will provide her with another one when she wakes up. "She went to tell Simon that evening. It must have been that same day after school, cause the next day during second period, I saw her rushing out the classroom and I decided to follow her. She was throwing up for the nth time in the last couple of weeks. It was terrible Carrie, her shoulders were shaking so hard and she was trying hard not to cry. She never did cry when in that situation, she did not want to appear weak in front of me. All I could do was tie her hair back, knowing that that would only be an inconvenience, and fish out my water bottle from my bag along with a small pack of gum from my pocket. She seemed grateful for that and I remember my heart feeling lighter. She was more silent that day, so we arranged to meet up after school that day, I said that I would be happy to take her home that night. I think that it is a good thing that I did so, she broke down sobbing after I had made her a cup of tea to calm her nerves. I don't think it worked so well now that I think about it." I choose now to give a humorless chuckle, "cause if the tears that followed were any indication, it certainly had not helped. " she said that she was scared of her parents finding out she was pregnant and kept mentioning you, scared about how you would react if you ever found out. I asked her why she had told me and you, she said that she didn't want to stress you since you were sick and she thought she would only burden you with her problems." Carrie curses herself under her breath and starts crying frustrated tears. I can swear that girl does not run out of tears easily. "I-I could have b-been there. I could have h-helped her. But I was to busy trying to avoid confrontation, that I ignored her completely." She stutters out and looks so angry at herself that I decide to walk over to her and hug. That's what you do, right? To comfort people? You hug them? It worked with Maggie, it may work with Carrie too. She calms down considerably, but I can tell that she is still frustrated.  
"She exhausted herself and she eventually fell asleep in my arms and I soon after did too. We went to school the next day and she had already decided that she was going to abort the child as she was in no financial or emotional state to be able to take care of it. However, after school, once we reached the clinic, we began talking and I could see she wasn't ready, it was her dream she was giving up on. I thought that a ride might help clear her mind and it appeared to do so, but after a couple of hours we suddenly had to pull over as she felt terribly ill. S-she was throwing up an-and the she collapsed and her fever spiked and she was shivering and trembling and she went deathly pale. It was hopeless. She looked so helpless and I felt so useless. She was dehydrated and undernourished and her body temperature had increased so drastically that she was sweating and shivering all over. It was like the ultimate Murphy's law 'everything bad that could potentially happen happened,' it was almost absurd how quickly the situation escalated. Then suddenly she lay limp I my arms. She weighed nothing Carrie, nothing. It barely felt like I was carrying anything at all." By now I'm crying silently and I have difficulty reliving the whole thing whilst looking at Maggie's now peaceful face, so I divert my eyes to our three pairs of entwined hands and focus on trying to regain my composure. Carrie gently squeezes my hand and it causes me to look up and lock eyes with her red rimmed orbs. A watery smile is encouragement enough for me to continue explaining the situation. "I wouldn't have been able to drive her to the hospital, so I picked her up and ran as best as I could towards what I thought was help. I found a woman, Alice, who was willing to drive us to the hospital, and well, you know the rest from there on."  
Fanfic: Fading fears and clammy hands, The Carrie Diaries | FanFiction

I am startled awake with a jolt and the first thing I notice is the stiffness of my neck. It's dark outside and the small LED clock on the DVD player across the room tells me it's just past two o'clock.  
Maggie is lying in my arms, one of her long legs falling off the side of the couch, and I guess we must have dosed off not long after her sobbing ceased. I can see that the tear tracks on her cheeks are still drying and yet, somehow, she still manages to look gorgeous. She is shivering and trembling and I realize with a start that that must have been what caused me to wake up in the first place.  
Suddenly a whimper escapes her tightly sealed lips and it pains me to see her like this—she appears so vulnerable and I know she would kill me if I ever told her so.  
I cuddle her closer to me and her shaking slowly stops.  
'God,' I think 'she must be absolutely exhausted.' She is tremendously terrified of her parents finding out about her situation and she knows Carrie is not here to help her, so she feels utterly alone. I try not to let that thought pain me, ''cause I'm here' I think to myself.

But it's not about me, and it's about Maggie, and she's pregnant and scared, and she needs me to be strong for her, I can't afford to loose her right now, 'cause I know that it would completely shatter her.

As carefully as possible I remove my arm from around her to brush away a loose strand of the chocolate brown hair that had fallen into her eyes. In the darkness I somehow manage to see a purple tinge on her cheek and I simply freeze. I feel as though a cold hand is squeezing my lungs as my heart falls to the pit of my stomach. It had most likely been covered by a layer of makeup earlier on today, and I was probably more focused on the tears streaming down her face to notice what her hair was covering.

'I will have to speak to her about this when she wakes up' I think, and I guess my heart is pounding so painfully hard that I do not notice that she had begun stirring in my arms. Her eyes blink open and her deep eyes are glassy due to the tears and her general fatigue. The already weak smile gracing her pouty lips, fades when she notices my somber and concerned expression.  
"What's wrong?" She whispers, her voice scratchy and a flicker of panic mares her features.  
As gently as possible I trace the outlines of the bruise on her face and it breaks my heart to see her flinch away from my touch.  
"What happened? Who did this to you?" I ask,my voice sounding nearly as raw as hers. She closes her eyes for a brief instance and I see her shoulders visibly slump.  
"H-he wasn't h-happy whe-when I told him. He was scared about how my dad would react if he f-found out." My heart shatters a little at every word she stutters out.  
I carefully reach out and cup her face in my large hands and wipe away the stray tears that had started to fall.  
"Shh shh" I coo as I easily pull her onto my lap where she allows her head to rest in the crook of my neck and shoulder. Her body is warm and light and I can't stop thinking about how my arms fit perfectly around her tiny waist and back.  
I don't realize that I have begun humming softly to her as I rock her as though she was a young child. It works though, and her frantic heart beat slows down just a little. Maggie is still sniffling and my shirt is slightly damp but as I reach down and place a soft kiss on her head I feel her relax against my side.  
"Thank you" she mumbles and I can feel it more than hear it, but I know she said it.  
"Goodnight Mags" I whisper back.

•

It's six thirty when we wake up the next morning and I know we have an hour to get up and get ready before we have to leave for school.

It's actually Maggie who wakes up first and it confuses me at first because I never pegged her as a morning person, when I realize that she has run to the bathroom and is vomiting her guts out.  
I spring off the couch at an impressive speed and see her kneeling by the porcelain bowl, her hair clings to the damp skin of her neck and forehead, and I once again feel absolutely powerless as I proceed to rub small comforting circles on the small of her back.  
Ten minutes pass by the time she is done and by now her whole body is trembling, I can faintly hear her whimpering as she tries to stop the tears from flowing.  
I run a hand thorough my blond hair and choose to hug her from behind, from where she proceeds to easily slump against my chest, with my arms wrapped securely around her stomach(which I now notice is not entirely as flat as it used to be). I can already tell that today is going to be hellish for her as I see the dark purple bruise looming on the left side of her face. She stands up on wobbly legs and I spring up to support her. I can see her smile in the mirror and it really does light up her pale face and tired eyes. She flushes the toiled and seemingly startles when I place a cool washcloth on her pounding forehead, and it's the content gasp that escapes her lips that makes me smile for the first time that day.

Not so long after I find myself driving to her home where I watch her shuffle in her bag for her keys and then slowly and silently unlock the front door. I was told to wait in the car and my nerves do not calm until I see her closing the door behind her, with her angry finger shaped bruise having seemingly vanished and with a set of comfortable looking clothes on.  
She smiles when she catches my eye and I can't help the small grin that spreads on my face.

•

The anxiety returns full force when we reach school and I suddenly realize how potentially horrible it could turn out if she was accidentally knocked into a locker of bumped into too roughly. Subconsciously I find myself shielding her body with my own as we walk through the crowd of noisy teens, who's troubles seem so small in comparison to the turmoil going on in Maggie's head right now.  
She's unusually quiet and I can't blame her for it but when we reach our lockers she turns to me and silently says.  
"I'm so scared that I don't know what to do."  
We had spoken on the way to school of possible ways to handle the situation and despite her fear she seems set on going through an abortion. I support her entirely as it is not my place to interfere with her life changing decisions.

"It will be alright" I smile at her and gently squeeze her shoulder and together we head off to a day filled with churning stomachs, clammy hands and glazed unseeing eyes.

•

The next few days are not an improvement to the first, but the decision remains the same and it's four o'clock by the time we reach the clinic she had chosen. As we silently sit in the parking lot, I see the built up walls of emotions begin to unravel before my eyes.  
"I've always wanted to be a mom" she says almost impassively, but I see the sadness lingering in her eyes. I close my eyes. I take a deep breath and try to calm my heart down.  
"Obviously not like this," her humorless laugh makes me want to cry and hug her and never let go.  
"You can still be." I croak out, but she does not seem to hear me.  
"I never really had any plans or dreams like Mouse and Carrie, but I knew I wanted to be a mom." She takes a shaky breath and whispers almost inaudibly "and now I screwed that dream up."  
She's crying by now and I know that going through with it today will only cause her to regret the decision more.  
I eventually convince her to go for a ride, just to be able to forget the things at home that will without doubt upset her even more.

•

After hours of driving we suddenly stop at this small park quite far away from home, due to a sudden bout of nausea that hit Maggie so hard she appears to turn green and that causes her to double over in pain gripping her abdomen in shock. I pull over and she quickly scrambles out of the car and flings herself over to the trash can near a flaky picnic table. It appears that her whole body convulses with every gag and I miraculously manage to catch her just as her knees buckle beneath her causing her to lose balance.  
With her body flushed up against mine, I can feel the heat radiating off of her in waves as well as the now constant vibrating of her body.  
I turn her around in my arms and with fear gripping my gut notice that while she may be conscious (albeit barely), her face has turned a ghastly shade of ashen gray, although her cheeks are tinged pink due to what I have come to believe is a fever. Her usually stunning eyes are glassy and unfocused and a heartbreakingly distraught frown is marring her face. I feel a sob start building at the back of my throat as I sit there in the grass cradling her weak and frail body to my chest.  
Her breaths are shallow and her lips are chapped due to the dehydration that all the vomiting has caused her. I once again find myself feeling absolutely useless and powerless.

My decision is quick and probably more a reflex than a conscious choice. I pick her up bridal style, and notice that her head once again fits perfectly into the crook of my shoulder.  
I reach my car and stop dead in my tracks as I am reminded of the size of it. Panic continues to build and I begin jogging down the road with a trembling Maggie in my arms who seems to weigh nothing at all (wether it is due to her being underweight or a sudden bout of adrenaline from my part, I can't tell), in hope of finding a vehicle that will help us.

I see a sign advertising a small vegetable vending stall and rush down the road until we reach the stall. A young woman in her early thirties most likely, rushes towards us with a concerned frown on her face as she takes a proper look at us. I understand fully why she looks like that 'we must look terrible' I fleetingly think to myself as I look down in panic at Mags who has by now gone completely still and is drenched in cold sweat.

"Oh dear lord," I hear the woman gasp, but that is all she manages to get out before I begin frantically muttering.  
"W-we n-need help. Please! Do you have a truck or a car or anything really that is bigger than my car, she will never be able to be comfortable in my car in these conditions. P-p-please I beg you, she needs immediate medical attention, please!" I am stammering and freaking out and the panic is filling my lungs with dread.

"Of course I will help" she mutters more to herself than to me, and sprints over to her light blue pickup truck.  
In a blur of movement I find myself in the passenger seat with Maggie in my arms and the blonde woman flying down the road towards what I know is CGH.

"My dear," she says softly after a while, interrupting the silence that had previously only been broken by Maggie's rattling breaths "my name is Alice, can you please tell me who you are and what happened to this poor girl?"

Her kind voice seems to clear the fog that had settled inside my head and allows my lungs to expand to their full capacity again.  
"We were driving when she suddenly felt sick, which she has been for the past few days, and she just collapsed as she was throwing up in the trashcan, and then... Then we found you..."  
I shake my head, still reeling from all that is happening. My chest constricts again as look down at Mags' distraught face and take her clammy hand in my own.  
"I'm Sebastian by the way, and this, this is Maggie."

Not ten minutes pass before we reach the hospital and by then my worry has seemingly only intensified as the minutes seem to drag on forever.  
Alice pulls over and I step out of the truck with Mags in my arms and as I thank her I turn around and jog into the hospital. In a matter of seconds a swarm of nurses and doctors begin to surround us and all I can really get myself to care about is Maggie's well being.  
I lay her gently on a stretcher that has appeared seemingly out of nowhere and I find myself alone as she is whisked away from me.

•

Fifteen minutes of frantic pacing later, a nurse walks up to me and informs me that her parents have been contacted and have readily agreed to prepare her for surgery. By now my feet are numb and feel no relief when I sit down as all I can think about is Maggie lying in a cold operating room.  
"Do-do you know what's wrong with her?" I find myself asking, with a voice that seems foreign even to myself. The nurse's face softens as she hears the crack in my voice, and lays a gentle hand on my forearm.  
"I am not allowed to tell you anything just yet as you seem emotionally unstable. Is there anyone you can call that will be able to keep you company, if you're planning to stay that is, it'll be some time before she will out of here." The pity in the nurse's eyes causes both my blood to boil and my adrenaline to evaporate.

I shake my head and say "thank you for your concern, I will call a friend cause I plan on staying as close to her they will allow me to."  
With a last smile my way, the nurse turns and leaves and next thing I know I am paging Carrie, because I know that despite their differences, she is the only person that will truly be able to help her now.

She calls me almost immediately and for a small second I feel bad for calling and disturbing her in the middle of the party, but it all comes crashing down around me that the reason why I'm here involves her too and I can't stop thinking that I really need someone to be with me right now.

"Hello?"  
Carrie's static voice floats through the receiver and I feel myself heave a shaky sigh of relief that she answered me.  
"Hey Carrie, it's Sebastian, and I—"  
"Sebastian? Why are calling what's wrong? Can it wait, I'm kind of in the middle of something right now."  
"Carrie, no, wait listen it cannot wait I'm at the emergency room right now at CGH and—"  
"Emergency room? Sebastian are you okay? Are you hurt? What's happening?" Her voice increasing in pitch as the familiar panic laces the atmosphere.  
"No Carrie, its not me. It's Maggie."  
"Maggie?" Her voice sounding worried and vulnerable "What happened? How is she? Please tell me she's okay."  
I take a deep breath and say  
"No, she's not okay, Carrie, she collapsed and I was with her and they haven't told me anything and I'm scared and freaking out and I need to stay calm for her you know, and the staff members believe that I am too emotionally unstable to be able to hear anything about her condition right now, and that means that it must be something bad, if they won't talk to me, and—"  
"Sebastian! I will reach you as soon as I can, please stay calm for me, everything will be okay, just stay calm. I'll be there soon. Bye."

And with that the line goes silent and I hear the click that signals the end of the call. My breathing pattern is still irregular and I sit down in the uncomfortable plastic chairs and wait.  
Half an hour later a nurse approaches me to inform me that she has been transferred to the OR meaning that the surgery has begun.  
Vivid images of Mags being cut open on an operating table flash into my mind and suddenly I freeze as realization hits me: I could potentially be losing her right here, right now.  
I race to the restroom and splash my face with cold water, to get the images out of my head.  
"She will be fine, we'll be fine and she'll be fine..." I repeat to myself as I look into the mirror meeting my own eyes and only noticing now how distraught I look.

As I step out of the restroom a couple of minutes later, I see Carrie standing by the receptionist, and I figure she must have just arrived.  
"C-Carrie?"  
She whirls around and in less than a second she has flung herself at me and is soothingly hugging me tight. I feel myself relax a little as I know that I am not alone in this situation, we now have each other to lean on.

"Mags?" She asks and I finally can't hold the tears at bay any longer as they trail down my face and land in her hair.  
"She's in surgery right now" I manage to choke out.  
"They won't tell me what's wrong with her." I whisper into her ear.

We separate and she leads me by the hand towards the nearest empty chairs. "Wait here while I go ask a nurse to explain the situation to us fully, okay?"  
She doesn't allow me to answer as she has already begun heading towards the nurses' station.  
She returns two minutes later with the nurse that had spoken to me earlier.

I try to compose myself as much as possible, stand up and stretch my hand towards her "My name is Sebastian, I believe we met earlier?"  
She takes my hand and smiles "Yes, I believe we did. I'm Sally by the way. If I'm not mistaken it was you who brought in miss Landers, am I correct?" Her blue eyes seem to sadden as she says this and my heart skips a beat or two with worry.  
"Yes, yes that was me and I was wondering if you had any updates and could explain to us exactly what's going on with her?" Either I am able to mask my anxiety quite well or she decides to relent and finally give in because soon she has launched into a detailed description of Mags' condition that makes me almost regret asking her in the first place.  
"Your friend seems to be suffering from an ectopic pregnancy, which in simple words is when the fertilized egg remains in the Fallopian tube instead of proceeding to the uterus for the process of implantation. As the pregnancy proceeds, in case of an ectopic pregnancy, the egg cell will proceed to grow and in would most likely cause a miscarriage. Maggie unfortunately appears to be suffering from what is known to be a rupture of the Fallopian tube, which in her case led to severe hemorrhaging. The amount of internal bleeding could be fatal to both her and the baby, and the surgery is complicated and extremely delicate and will unfortunately not be over any time soon."  
I felt the blood drain rapidly from my face as soon as she uttered the first words. As I look to Carrie I see that she is silently crying and seems to be in a similar state of shock. There is a possibility that Maggie won't make it.

•

I takes a great deal to be able to calm down enough to thank Sally and return to our seats. By now Carrie has started sobbing and I am beginning to think that I will never be able to stop shaking let alone breathe again. "I-I d-d-didn't even k-know she was p-p-pregnant in the first place." She stutters out, turning to look at me with an anger that I can't seem to understand right now. "I found out a couple days ago, it was the second time that week that I had caught her throwing up and only had the courage to confront her then." I tell her. My shoulders are slumped and I stare into space, "She told me that she had known for a couple of weeks, and also mentioned something about running into you at the pharmacy for your cough I think it was. She was absolutely terrified and felt completely alone and I knew that anxiety would not be healthy in her condition. She couldn't tell her parents, as she would have to tell them the truth about Simon—that son of a bitch!" I growl out the last few words and my hands ball into tight fists.  
"Wait, you mean to tell me that it's not your baby?" That catches my attention.  
I whirl around "My baby? Maggie and I aren't even dating."  
"Really? Well that's a pity," she mumbles and I cannot tell if there is any malice behind the statement, so I stay silent, pondering the meaning behind the words.  
But then surprisingly she adds "Because I think you would be really good for one another." As she says this, she turns around to look at me, with a small smile on her face. "Wait what?" I accidentally blurt out.  
"Yes, you would really be able to help each other out, and I think that you are already so comfortable around each other that there would be nothing to worry about. You're handsome and mysterious and she is stunning and sarcastic, features that compliment each other perfectly. Think about it, if you didn't care about her happiness and wellbeing, then you wouldn't have been so willing to help her these last few days, which were most likely the most intense days of her life. And you forget that I know Maggie well enough to know that while she may be flirty and easygoing, she does not often let her guard down enough for people to see her true feelings. Trust issues you could say, but I think it's more than only that. I know she makes you happy and vice versa, so promise me this, when we eventually get out of this, cause I know we will, do me a favor and go for it. She may be slightly resistant at first due to fear of hurting me, but don't give up and don't worry, it is bound to work out well."  
I sit completely dumbfounded for a couple of seconds and slowly turn to look at her fully in the eye.  
"B-but, but before, you seemed so mad, why?" I am reliving her reaction in my mind and still does not make me any wiser.  
"That, oh yeah, no I was mad but not because I thought you were seeing her, but because I thought that you had been irresponsible enough to get one of my best friends pregnant in high school. She knows that her life is not stable enough to include a baby in the mix. Maggie wouldn't do that, her living environment would not be safe enough for her to go through a pregnancy in, she is smart enough to not want to possibly endanger the baby." She takes a shuddering sigh and whispers "This must be so horrible for her. Anyone really, but Maggie especially, it was all she ever wanted." By now tears have started falling and we silently sit and wait to see if she made it, both having new things to think about.

•

Hours have flown by in the form of restless sleep and uncomfortable positions, as well as the constant smell of disinfectant lingering in the air. We are awoken by Sally who had been kind enough to stay with us, updating us of any changes in the procedure and explains how everything was coming along.  
So we sit in the uncomfortable chairs and wait at 1:30 in the morning, to be told about our friend's fate.  
"The operation is complete and the surgery was successful." We both heave a sigh of relief and I feel my shoulders straighten up slightly as I finally feel like I can breathe properly again. Carrie besides me seems to have reacted the same way, tears of joy springing to her eyes. "However there were complications at one point as the combination of her dehydration and blood loss which was caused by the internal bleeding, made her weak and required to be properly stabilized in order to proceed with the surgery. We put her on various IVs to supply her with necessary minerals and gave her pain medication to deal with her exhaustion, allowing her to calm down without having to sedate her. She is not currently awake which is a good thing as it allows her body to rest. So as soon as she is ready, she will wake up. Unfortunately we were unable to save the child as it required to be removed in order to save the Fallopian tube, which could potentially scar and partially block the path to one of the ovaries." Sally finishes and does not seem surprised at our slightly confused expressions. "Wh-what does that mean?" Carries whispers. Sally looks at us and says "It means that it will most likely make any future pregnancies complicated and uncomfortable, if they will be possible at all, we still don't know."  
I lower my head and suddenly I find the idea of telling Maggie this tidbit of information absolutely devastating and I know Carrie feels the same way as I hear her suck in a watery sigh. "It was her dream," I hear her whisper, more to herself than to me. At those words, my heart cracks and seems to be wanting to break enough for Mags not to have to feel the pain.  
"I must add though, that it was incredibly lucky that she was brought in when she was, or her body may have begun to shut down some of her internal organs due to the internal bleeding. It was good that you brought her in Sebastian, she would never have gotten to us in time in order for us to save her if she had been alone." Carrie's knees almost buckle then as she process the information given:  
She had almost lost her best friend tonight and she only seemed to realize now how that would have affected her.  
"When can we see her?" I ask somewhat eagerly, but Sally smiles kindly nonetheless. "It takes about five minutes to get to her and by then she should have been moved over to a private room." With that, we begin walking through identical looking corridors toward room E-074.

•

Standing in front of the door is actually a lot more nerve wracking than I expected it to be. I feel like the anxiety is suffocating me and I am tired and upset that this had to happen to Maggie and not some random person who has done something bad enough to deserve to suffer like this. I prepare myself cause I know she will most likely be sleeping and if she is awake she will probably be in the same state as she was earlier today.  
Carrie next to me is a jumbled, fidgeting ball of nerves and she is oblivious to how her friend has been feeling lately. I find though that there is no time to say anything as well as nothing to say, as the door opens and another nurse lets us in.  
The first thing I notice, oddly, is the lighting. It's darker than the corridor we had been sitting and yet it neither prevents you from seeing anything nor does it make the room feel cozy. There is a constant low beeping that has imbedded itself in my skull since we walked into the room, and it almost drowns out the light steady breathing coming from the hospital bed by the wall. Mags lays tucked in in a way that seems too neat to be a blanket and so thin that it allows me to see the outline of her frail frame easily. Her slender hands lay folded neatly on top of each other on top of the flimsy blanket, her long fingers pale and her dark painted nails contrasting with the pallor of her complexion. She is propped up on a couple of pillows and her long lashes rest upon the curve of her cheekbones. Carrie, you can tell from her twitching fingers, wants to make herself useful, needs to feel as though she is doing something that is not watching her friend lay in a position that is too similar to the position of a corpse in a coffin, to be comforting. So I inch forward and take one of Maggie's cool hands in mine and briefly wonder if she is cold or if she is kept cold in order to lower her previous skyrocketing temperature, and from the corner of my eye I see Carrie do the same.  
"Hey Mags." I whisper softly, not really expecting a response, but feeling disappointed anyway when nothing happens.  
I force myself to continue.  
"You're okay now, you'll be fine. Carrie and I are hear and we will help." Carrie's never stopping tears flow once more, and I manage to keep mine at bay a little while longer.  
"We miss you. Come back."  
Is all it takes from Carrie, for me to let that first tear roll down my cheek, 'cause I am reminded of when I thought that she would never have been able to come back to me.  
Sally chooses this moment to enter the door and check on Maggie's vitals and make sure that everything is in order. Carrie doesn't seem to have noticed though, she is staring at her best friend's pale and tired face. From the way her eyes seem to suddenly harden, it is not difficult for me to guess that she has spotted the fading bruise on the side of her face. In a quick motion her head snaps towards mine and her eyes flash dangerously. All I can do is swallow nervously as her eyes bore into mine and I proceed to uncomfortably clear my voice. I don't get anything out before her voice resounds dangerously in the small room.  
"What the hell Sebastian! Why didn't you mention anything." Her voice is curt and cutting "Who the hell did this to her? Was it Simon? I swear to God I'll kill the bastard!"  
For some odd reason the words that choose to leave my words are not the comforting ones that my mind had planned to formulate. Unfortunately for me I chose to blurt out: "You should have seen her earlier on today." I cringe internally as soon as they are vocalized, as I see Carrie's hand stop the careful process of caressing Maggie's own folded hands. My mind can't help but silently curse itself as I see her back stiffen and face pale as she registers what was said.  
"Wh-what do you m-mean? Tell me Sebastian, what happened today. You never told me, you have to tell me. You can't not say anything. Do you know how scared I was! I got a hysterical phone call about an emergency regarding my best friend's life and I have waited hours without actually knowing what managed to get you into such a panicked state of mind. What could possible have scared you so much? She is my best friend, you have to tell me, please?"  
It's not actually until your hear the feeble plea at the end that you realize how desperately she wants to know what had happened to her friend. She had heard the report and seen the outcome, but she was never told or explained just how terrible an experience it had been for both you and Maggie.

"Okay, I'll explain it all, but you need to calm down, okay? The last thing we need is for Mags to wake and see us fighting." We both take a deep breath and sit ourselves comfortably down, as we had both somehow ended up standing up.

I feel my exhaustion creep up on me but I simply run my hand over my face and proceed to tell her everything that had happened:  
"It began more than two weeks ago, that's at least when I first noticed things, she told me later though that it had been happening for a couple of weeks by the time I found out. I had been walking to class, when I saw her exiting the girls toilets looking pale and slightly disheveled. Now that I think about it, we made brief eye contact and despite the heartbreaking look in her eyes, she held her head high and shook her head slightly. It was enough to dismiss me at the time, but when it happened again a couple days later I began to get concerned and decided to ask her what was going on and if she was okay, you know?" My hand are subconsciously and nervously wringing themselves in my lap, but I keep my eyes on Maggie's sleeping face. "She told me that all was fine, when I confronted her later that afternoon, she said that she thought it was some sort of stomach bug, but she did not look too convinced. Her eyes were darting all over the place and she appeared in a rush to get away, who could blame her though, right? I let her go thinking that whatever was going on was probably not being facilitated by my insistent questioning, more likely made worse." I take a deep sigh and a small sip from a nearby cup of water, to clear the lump in my throat. In hindsight I realize that it was probably meant for Maggie, but I promise myself that I will provide her with another one when she wakes up. "She went to tell Simon that evening. It must have been that same day after school, cause the next day during second period, I saw her rushing out the classroom and I decided to follow her. She was throwing up for the nth time in the last couple of weeks. It was terrible Carrie, her shoulders were shaking so hard and she was trying hard not to cry. She never did cry when in that situation, she did not want to appear weak in front of me. All I could do was tie her hair back, knowing that that would only be an inconvenience, and fish out my water bottle from my bag along with a small pack of gum from my pocket. She seemed grateful for that and I remember my heart feeling lighter. She was more silent that day, so we arranged to meet up after school that day, I said that I would be happy to take her home that night. I think that it is a good thing that I did so, she broke down sobbing after I had made her a cup of tea to calm her nerves. I don't think it worked so well now that I think about it." I choose now to give a humorless chuckle, "cause if the tears that followed were any indication, it certainly had not helped. " she said that she was scared of her parents finding out she was pregnant and kept mentioning you, scared about how you would react if you ever found out. I asked her why she had told me and you, she said that she didn't want to stress you since you were sick and she thought she would only burden you with her problems." Carrie curses herself under her breath and starts crying frustrated tears. I can swear that girl does not run out of tears easily. "I-I could have b-been there. I could have h-helped her. But I was to busy trying to avoid confrontation, that I ignored her completely." She stutters out and looks so angry at herself that I decide to walk over to her and hug. That's what you do, right? To comfort people? You hug them? It worked with Maggie, it may work with Carrie too. She calms down considerably, but I can tell that she is still frustrated.  
"She exhausted herself and she eventually fell asleep in my arms and I soon after did too. We went to school the next day and she had already decided that she was going to abort the child as she was in no financial or emotional state to be able to take care of it. However, after school, once we reached the clinic, we began talking and I could see she wasn't ready, it was her dream she was giving up on. I thought that a ride might help clear her mind and it appeared to do so, but after a couple of hours we suddenly had to pull over as she felt terribly ill. S-she was throwing up an-and the she collapsed and her fever spiked and she was shivering and trembling and she went deathly pale. It was hopeless. She looked so helpless and I felt so useless. She was dehydrated and undernourished and her body temperature had increased so drastically that she was sweating and shivering all over. It was like the ultimate Murphy's law 'everything bad that could potentially happen happened,' it was almost absurd how quickly the situation escalated. Then suddenly she lay limp I my arms. She weighed nothing Carrie, nothing. It barely felt like I was carrying anything at all." By now I'm crying silently and I have difficulty reliving the whole thing whilst looking at Maggie's now peaceful face, so I divert my eyes to our three pairs of entwined hands and focus on trying to regain my composure. Carrie gently squeezes my hand and it causes me to look up and lock eyes with her red rimmed orbs. A watery smile is encouragement enough for me to continue explaining the situation. "I wouldn't have been able to drive her to the hospital, so I picked her up and ran as best as I could towards what I thought was help. I found a woman, Alice, who was willing to drive us to the hospital, and well, you know the rest from there on."


End file.
